So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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