well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
