oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have feelings that need drinking.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
