a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
