Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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