I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I look better un-naked...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
