its not stalking. its research.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
