Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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