Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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