He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
