I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
