After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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