even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
