My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
