herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
