she woke up with a sticky ear
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't turn off my feet"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
