I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
