Dual....:-)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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