quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
