Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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