There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
