somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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