So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
