I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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