My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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