so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
