I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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