I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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