Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
