My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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