sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
