if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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