Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
