before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
