what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
