I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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