a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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