why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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