Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
