please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
