my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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