Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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