im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There r osticjed everywhere
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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