Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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