I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need a beard to bite.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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