don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
