Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
