I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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