Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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