So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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