I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
